High on Crack
by Alpha DragonWulf
Summary: postmovieversecrackverse Augh, I must be going insane. Another load of weirdness was been born! MAY THE WORLD BOW TO ME! Anyways, all goofy randomness is included here. oneshots, crack pairings
1. Clean

Oh my God, I can't believe it. I am going insane. Well, I'm not giving up on my other story, I've merely hit the evil detour sign known as Writers Block. And homework. :Shakes fist at sky: Well, With my brain not shutting up and letting _some_ of us sleep, and my laptop nagging me 24/7, I've decided to wreak havok upon the world by writing my randomness.

**Disclaimer: I don't own Transformers. Maybe someday, but not today.**

Pairing: Sunstreaker & Mikalea

Theme: Clean

On with Randomness!

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She had broken up with Sam. Geez, other than meeting the Autobots and saving the world and stuff, there just was'nt that much to Sam. He wasn't the smartest, or the coolest, or the best looking. Mikalea was over the whole 'super awesome guy' thing, but Sam was just a little- how do you say it nicely?- Under average, except for the 'my car is a super advanced alien robot' deal.

So, giving up the cliche boyfriend-to-the-hero act, she had ended it.

Thankfully, Ratchet was a pretty cool bot. After Optimus had said she could keep hanging out with the Autobots he had 'apprenticed' her to him, and now Mikalea was an accomplished medic.

After more Autobots had landed on Earth, she had gotten some real practice. As it turns out, there were plenty of mechs getting themselves into trouble all the time in the base they had taken up under the Hoover dam. Sunstreaker and Sideswipe, who couldn't keep out of trouble for a whole day, and Wheeljack, the mad sientist of the lot.

Actually, it was just them, but it kept Mikalea busy. But when one mech came in a lot more than the others, Mikalea began to become suspicious.

At first, it had been big things. A dented up helm, a few panels of armor missing, cracked optics. Mostly souvineirs of pranking the base. But when the yellow lamborghini twin started showing up more and more, for problems that were less and less urgent, Mikalea could smell something fishy going on.

Then again, she did give a free cleaning to every mech she treated.

Finally, one time that Sunstreaker came into the med lab, she cornered him about it.

She was fixing up a severed energon line and some dented metal in his arm when she brought it up.

"So, Sunstreaker." A big head swiveled down to face the girl that was half submerged in his arm.

"Yeah?"

"You been comin' in here alot..."

"Yeah..."

Mikalea rolled her eyes even though Sunstreaker couldn't see it.

"Well.. I'm your doctor, right? I should get to know what's up, right?"

"Yeah..."

Mikalea finished patching up the leaking fluid line and withdrew herself from the battered limb to glare at the yellow Autobot.

"Is that all you say, Sunny? Cuz Ratchet can take care of a busted vocal processor." She took pleasure in the lambo shuddering.

"No, its just... I dunno..." The glare intensified.

"And?"

"And, I um..."

"Well?"

"Well nuthin'. I don't hafta tell you anything," said Sunstreaker like a spoiled child. All that got him was a wrench jammed in some _very_ sensitive wiring. "OW! Okay! I, um, like your 'free clean up' policy," he admitted. Mikalea smiled and turned back to her repair job. Soon she was finished up and sent him on his way- with his free cleaning, of course. But not without one last thing from Sunstreaker.

"You free tonight?"


	2. Invention

Ooh, I hope you like my first chapter. Here is number two. Yes, I am nuts.

**Disclaimer: Why do I bother writing this? Nothing has changed in the past forty-five minutes...**

Pairing: Maggie & Wheeljack

Theme: Inventions

On with Randomness!

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Since Maggie had gotten involved with the whole freaky living boombox thing at the Hoover dam, the government hadn't let her go. So, when some bigger, cooler, less freaky Autobots set up their base in the dam, they forced her to stay with them. Not that it was torture or anything, but Maggie got really bored.

Thankfully, when a group of Autobots arrived after getting their leaders message (Her thoughts on him? 'He's freakin' HUGE!') things livened up a bit.

Take the twins. They had chosen lamborghinis for alternate forms, and they were idiots. Not stupid, but anyone who ends up painting Ironhide electric green and pink is an idiot.

And there was a sientist, too. Odd to think that different planets, and ones that are populated by living macines, should need scientists. Let alone MAD scientists. Hardly a week passed without him blowing up the lab somehow. And of course, that was what brought Maggie to the lab one fine day. Not the explosions, the stuff that made them.

After several days straight of loud BOOMs from down the hall, Optimus Prime had sent Maggie to help Wheeljack with whatever was going wrong. So that was how she ended up standing in the giant doorway of the explosion-savvy mech's lab.

"Wheeljack, what are you working on that keeps exploding?" She asked.

"Oh, hello, Maggie. Your Secretary of Defense commissioned me to create a usable neuclear-defense grid for your country. I can't seem to get it quite right, though..."

"Huh. So, what'll it it do? Laserbeams or something? We've already got antinuke missiles."

"Yes, something along that line. Only, every time I fire it up it explodes."

"Can I help?"

Wheeljack looked at the young woman, and although he had a faceplate over his mouth, you could tell he was happy.

"Sure! Not many people want to help when I start on these projects, you know."

With that, he picked up Maggie and carried herr over, and they both started working on the macine.

-Time lapse-

After working on the machine for several hours, Maggie and Wheeljack were ready to test it.

"Ready, Wheeljack?"

"Ready, Maggie!"

"Okay! 3...2...1... FIRE!!!"

Maggie slammed two orange extention cord ends together, completing the circut, and waited half a second for the macine to start up. It started going before...

BOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMM!

As the dust and smoke cleared, it revealed a very black and frazzled Maggie and an equally black Wheeljack. Maggie was still holding the extention cords. After a few moments, she spoke up.

"Wheeljack?"

"Uhhuh?"

"It exploded."

"Yeah. I guess it did."

"Wheeljack?"

"Yeah?"

"Wanna do it again?"


	3. Hyperactive

Yay! Number three! Thaks to my reveiwers, I feel luved. For those of you who are wondering, there will be follow ups every so often. Actually, I only have eleven pairings decided, and I'll probably stick with those. But for now, just this chapter. I don't know what I'm thinking, but, you know...

**Disclaimer: I'm sitting in my bedroom wearing footie pajamas. Does that really sound like someone who owns Transformers?**

**This chapter is pure fluff!**

Pairing: Miles & Bluestreak.

Theme: Hyperactive

BTW, _italics _is what is going on prior to teh conversation.

On with Randomness!

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"You do know both of us are insane, right?"

_Miles could hardly believe it. Sure, it had been super awesome that chilly November night when a giant meteor had crashed in his backyard. But when he had excitedly called Sam..._

_"Yo, Sam? This is, like, the coolest thing EVER! This huge thing came crashing out of the sky and landed in my backyard!"_

_Miles heard Sam use one of his favorite swears in the background before,_

_"Oh. Um, Miles, ya know how I told you about the Autobots? And how when I introduced you to them you pissed your pants and Bumblebee made you ride on the roof all the way to your place?" The blond winced._

_"Yeah."_

_"Okay. Well, there is going to be one of those guys that stand up from out of the crater, just dont freak out. Tell him the Autobots'll be there soon."_

_"Uh, wait, what?"_

_Miles never got an answer, the line went dead just as a FREAKIN' TALL ROBOT climbed out of the hole in his backyard._

"Whats your definition of insane 'cuz in some places insanity is a good thing and it is actually being sane you know its funny because I had this freind once he is the sanest person I know next to Optimus and Ratchet and Prowl his name was Blurr and everyone called him insane because its like someone set a movie on fast forward with him he goes so fast like the time we got Sam's dog Mojo onto super sugar rush or when we spiked the twin's energon boy that was so cool but they got mad at us for it Ironhide did too they painted him pink and green that night."

_Miles stood there, shaking like a leaf, as the Cybertronian turned his head to him..._

_And launched into the single longest greeting he had ever heard._

_"Hey cool you're a human hey I heard what your freind was saying on your communication device you must know the Autobots I'm really glad you're not freaking out some people scream really loud when they're scared what's your name I'm Bluestreak even though I don't like the color blue do you have a vehicle around here cuz Optimus Prime my leader you must know him he's nice said that we have to disguise ourselves to fit in and I'd like some help choosing a vehicle so can you help?"_

_As soon as Miles got over the shock of a giant robot seemingly stuck in an endless run on sentence, he managed to squeak something out._

_"I-I'm Miles. My car is over there, but you might not like it much. Sweet to meetcha, Bluestreak." With that, he pointed over to his driveway and Bluestreak scanned his bright green __1977 Datsun 280Z (He only remembered the model because Mikalea told him it) and transformed._

_An extremely psyched Miles had then found himself staring at two identical (one was admittedly cleaner than the other) vehicles in his driveway. It was even cooler when Bluestreak had untransformed and turned out to be _extremely_ awesome looking mech. With HUGE guns on his shoulders! It just got cooler, when after the formalities Optimus had appointed Bluestreak Miles's gaurdian, because Mikalea and Sam and another girl named Maggie had guardians in Sunstreaker, Bumblebee and Wheeljack, respectively._

"Well, you know, most humans don't instantly create friendships with giant robots that crashland in their favorite tree. Also, said human most likely wouldn't have the energy of five humans his age and size and have a) the attention span of a flea or b) an insane need to be moving at all times. And I'm guessing normal Cybertonians don't talk at five zillion miles an hour."

"So I really don't think either of us are insane Miles because for one thing insane people don't think about being insane because that would be really weird and not to mention the fact that there are TONS of people crazier than us like Blurr he goes even faster than me and Red Alert he's parinoid and Starscream who has tons of problems not to mention the crazy humans like Michael Jackson and Sam's dad with his grass issues and his mom with the cross dressing of Mojo and whoever the guy was that invented the TV show Spongebob compared to them we are boring as rocks."

_Miles had quickly become friends with Bluestreak. Sure, his parents had no idea that their son's car was actually an alien robot who's sentences were rivaled by Miles' hyperactivity. Neither minded the other's quirks, and just as much as Miles would pay attention when Bluestreak went on and on about something like the conspiracy of calling a dried grape a raisin, Bluestreak wouldn't mind when Miles did something spazztic like climbing up onto his head or declaring to the heavans that the both of them needed to dig a giant hole in the ground in order to build a secret hideaway for both of them when his mom wanted him to do chores. It seemed like the two of them were closer friends than Sam and Miles together, and they had been friends for a LONG time._

_And Miles started to wonder, was there something more?_

"Not that kind of insanity, Bluestreak. A different kind."

"Oh what kind you're gonna need to tell me because I don't know as much about health as Ratchet does so I don't know what you're talking about but if its affecting both of us it must be pretty serious maybe we should just go to Ratchet or Wheeljack who isn't as good a choice because he blows a lot of stuff up but Ratchet would be good."

_Slowly, as Miles had began to realize what was going on, he began to wonder what was weirder._

_Being in love with your car, or being in love with your male, sentient ALIEN car._

"The kind of insanity that makes me do this."

Miles had been sitting on Bluestreak's shoulder, so it made it quite easy to lean over and kiss the giant green mech.

And for the first time ever, Bluestreak was left speechless. At least, for about one minute.

"Then I'm glad I'm insane too," he replied, before kissing Miles back.

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Yay! Sorry it took me a while, school and such. Do you like? I feel loved by my reviewers. :Glomps all reviewers: My other story is on a brief Writing-block-induced hiatus, and I'm also working on a separate fluffy oneshot. I think I write too much. Ah well.

Please respond! You know you want to!


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